Who Is She? : The Art of Mind Over Matter
Hello queens! long time no see?
Happy new year, valentines day, Christmas, and any other important holiday I've missed.
Also HAPPY INTERNATIONAL WOMEN'S DAY! I know I missed it as it was a few days ago, I was away on work so couldn't celebrate properly.
"So whats new?"...well EVERYTHING
Since my last post a lot has happened. I finished school and started a new job as a journalist at my dream coorporation, I'm also doing an apprenticeship and exams which means I'm busy 24/7.5
It's easy to underestimate just how much one's life can change over such a short period of time and if you're like me the transition from the cosy familiarity of everyday life to the new is more like a collison. It felt as if someoneone had torn a silk screen from over my eyes and changed the way I see the world.
All of a sudden with a majority of my friends away at uni and learning a new course and new skills at work meaning making lots of mistakes; I found myself feeling exposed. It seemed all at once everyone around me had disappeared and I was in a position where all my weaknesses were as clear as day, and surely the doubt I had in my ability came creeping back in.
If that wasn't enough I was also gaining weight fast due to hotel living and as you know my confidence a lot of the time has been tied directly to my weight and body image. I could see myself recling back into myself again through my body language crossing my arms across my stomach and keeping my coat on it almost felt like I was being transported to 3 years ago and I was "that girl" again.
If you're wondering "What girl?" i'll show you. Here I am clutching a tissue, why?
This was me 3 years ago. I used to get these thoughts I can only describe as mental attacks usually after I'd left the house that would make me think I was unbearably flawed. Similar to body dismorphia where all your flaws seem exaggerated to you.They would usually end up with me in a mirror staring in despair at what was looking back at me and wondering how I'm going to face anyone in this state. On this occassion my sister found me in tears and forced me to take these pictures and see what she was seeing, someone beautiful, who wasn't hideously overweight but curvy and pretty. She pulled me out of that self.
It all relates because gaining weight and everything else that has happened over the last 6 months has meant that I sometimes find myself being attacked with those thoughts again. Except this time I don't run from them and I don't hide from myself or anyone else in floods of tears, anymore. I look at them head on and say "Okay , now what?". Because that's me I'm accepting that I'm loving that because I have to.
Okay so you're bloated as hell today, You look like Winnie the Pooh's third cousin and SO WHAT? You're still you, your personality is still intact you are still amazing, intelligent, creative. And so what you've put on a little weight? your mass has expanded so technically there is just MORE of you to love - literally! If you're losing too much weight, your content hasn't changed who you are is still the same and you can work on your body but your mind and personality and style, that is the constant and that is what makes you bomb. You are constantly bomb.
The art of mind over matter is sometimes just to ask yourself, "So what?" So what has changed. Am I still me? Yes. Am I still a queen - HELL YES. So live your life girl. I know it sounds easier to say than do but if I can, you definitley can. Sometimes you really have to take into account what the constants are in life, what makes you - you. What makes you beautiful - you.
You're not who you used to be. I'm not who I used to be and *crowd gasps* look a miracle lmao --> This is me a couple weeks ago wearing a dress I've been scared to wear for years, I put it on and saw it clinging to my food baby (hold tight Jemima the food baby) so took it off, then put it back on and said "so what?". I'm still building my confidence even with the recent set-backs and I'm not stopping until I'm where I want to be.
This is just the beginning. 2018 is our year of confidence and self love queens! This week I CHALLENGE YOU to wear something you've been afraid to wear and see how amazing it feels. You can even send in pictures on the contact page.
Love always queens, thank you for reading my long ass stories and taking this journey with me!
Miriam xx
