Do you boo! (but do it FOR you too 👀)

Hello wonderful women of the world wide web, as you can see alliteration is something i'm loving right now. It's been a long long looonng time since my last post. Sincerely I apologise, I have plenty of excuses for it but the main reason has been that I wasn't feeling inspired. I want to be honest and I couldn't come on here and write something inspirational or motivation with a half-baked intention. But I've finally mustered up the motivation and I'm back and ready to do the damn thing!

This summer has been challenging to say the least. I've been trying to test my boundaries, challenge myself and really push myself out of my comfort zone. I wanted to do that for many reasons. Firstly, the blog - I felt that if I could conquer one of my fears I could use myself as an example when I do my next post which is the first of many weekly challenges I have lined up for you all *evil laugh*. One of my biggest insecurities has always been my ever-present food baby and although I don't mind them on other curvy girls the idea of wearing a crop top made me want to vomit. I've had a top in my wardrobe for 2+ years that I've been waiting for when I'm confident enough before I wore it.

The day came. I’m going out to Starbucks and I thought “it’s a warm day. This is it” because I’d gotten past the point of caring what people thought about my style or my body. “No one’s opinion about my body matters. It’s my body and anyway in this day and age big girls wear crop tops all the time and no one bats an eyelid – I’m good to go”. I looked in the mirror, (Before you start speculating it is a crop top I just have a very short torso being like 5'4 sooo anyway) I took a few selfies, smiled and headed for the door.

GUUURL .

When I say I didn’t even get past my front door! I got to the door and emotionally crumbled being forced to face the truth which was of course “ I can’t leave the house like this!" I had to ask myself "Miriam, what is the problem?" and in that moment I was forced to admit to myself the humiliating reality that it is not society keeping me back or the idea of anyone else oppressing me with their ideas of beauty because I truly don't care about them. It was me. I was the person keeping myself back because the truth is at the time I found it impossible not for tubby tummies to be beautiful but for my chubby tummyto be beautiful. I couldn't leave the house wearing it because I would feel ugly. So I crawled back into my comfort zone - 20 minutes late thanks to my minor breakdown. Changed the top and off I went. Challenge 1 : MAJOR FAIL.

I realised it was time to change my thinking. So I looked back on my previous post and began practicing daily positive confession and spoke to some friends who encouraged me. When the opportunity next presented itself I decided I'm going to try and wear it again because I need to be able to write my blog post where I conquer my fear of crops. So the next time I went out to Starbucks weeks later I forced myself to go out in a crop. SUCESS! .........or not.

It seemed although I had managed to get out the house with my stomach semi- exposed I was still feeling incredibly uncomfortable. The reason being because I was doing it for the blog and not myself. Once I personalized it and really disconnected myself from self-inflicted expecatation as well as everybody else I began to do these things for me and me alone then I was truly able to embrace myself and my food baby in a little crop 👀 . It's not an overnight thing but a working progress for me to be able wear it and feel comfortable, I recently went out to celebrate my birthday and rocked the top I'd been waiting 2+ years to wear and I felt confident and free. Like it wasn't even a thing...

FINALLY- SUCCESS!

So the point of this is: The intention for your break-through is just as important as the action. You need to ask yourself "Why am I doing this and who am I doing this for?" If the answer isn't yourself -you need to change that! Keep friends that will encourage you- God knows I needed them for this! Also don't be afraid to challenge yourself and stretch your comfort zone but don't allow your expectation of how you want to be add pressure to your journey! There's no rush, it's about you so take as much time (and as many failed attempts) as you need.

Finally,

If you got to the end of this blog post, wow - you're amazing. That's real dedication, you loyal. Werk THAT gurl yas! 😂

Thanks to you all for reading! Have a great week xx

Miriam - 👑✨